What is the first duty of every proper Turkish girl? “Play hard to get with suitors for her hand in marriage!” The best-selling book “Kocan Kadar Konus" (You are only as good as your husband) has been talked about by women, young and old, since early 2014. The movie version of the book was released March 20. The book advises single women on how to tie the knot with Prince Charming, but the rules are counterintuitive: First and foremost, you do not want to give the impression you are available. Guidelines suggest that “if you want to be caught [by a prospective husband], run away.” Also, “Never reply to his text messages or calls immediately, wait at least 30 minutes. Keep him in suspense.” Teasing the suitor is strongly advised. “Show off how pretty you are, but never let him touch you.” Then come the planned tantrums — “make sure he struggles to please you, don't be easy.”

Indeed, this satirical book of advice for single women may be validated with a recent decree from the official Turkish Language Institute. In the updated Turkish dictionary, the institute defined the word "available, up for it" (musait) as “a woman who is ready to flirt, easy to flirt with.” Who would want to be "musait" after reading this definition? Although the definition caused a stir in Turkey, it seems the book also advises single women not to appear available, but rather appear uninterested in their prospective spouses. The book was criticized for style of prose and being too simplistic. However, it has been dominating social media and newspaper columns since its release. Readers have frequently commented that “the book captures our real life experiences.” 

You may ask who buys this book. Al-Monitor asked a bookseller on the busy streets of Taksim in Istanbul, who said, “Everyone. Women of all ages buy this book, but a significant number of men do as well. The men frequently tell us they are buying it for their sisters.” One customer in the store told Al-Monitor, “Every family has a spinster, you know.” There are quite a few colloquialisms in the Turkish language discouraging women from remaining single, such as “The girl who is too picky, will end up marrying a bald man”; “Unmarried men are called single, but unmarried women are called spinsters”; and “While in the cradle, a baby girl's dowry must be ready at home.”

Although studies show arranged marriages have significantly decreased and the age of women having their first babies has gone up in the last decade, still marriage is an important event in Turkey. An actress in her early 40s, Deniz, who would provide only her first name, told Al-Monitor, “We wake up and turn on the TV in Turkey and channel after channel bombards you with programs on marriage. And check out the hundreds of Internet dating sites. There are sites for conservative, observant Muslims and sites for workers and even government employees. But on these sites one can't find men in their 40s or 50s with a white-collar job. If you find one, he is looking for a 20-year-old. And if you find a decent man, probably his family will tell him, 'Don't even think about marrying a 35-year-old woman, she cannot have babies.'”